1. Avoid judgmental words and loaded terms
These words attack and undermine feelings of worth, it kills relationships. Words that convey to your partner that he/she is flounced i:e. “Thought you have an MBA……you didn’t read before signing: Total lack of effort…. Childish behavior….. Acting helpless….. Poor-me attitude….. Thoughtless as usual….. A total crock…….
2. Avoid Global Labels
Generalized condemnation of identity. Noticing reproach with strong language especially could be a sign of anger and loss of closeness. Words like-“stupid: “sexist: “gacy: “selfish: “lazy: “useless: “evil: “wicked: “Bitch: or “Asshole- fired at a partner could be very harmful to relationships.
3. Avoid Messages of Blame and Accusation
“You are never home on time…..you are always on the phone or online… you leave me all the chores….you never ask what I want…. you are a lot more interested in your work than me….”
4. Avoid Negative Comparison/Old History
Comparison is an attack to punish. Clean communication sticks with the issue at hand; but pejorative thrones mud from the past i:e “you did this to me last week, last year……
5. Avoid Threats
The basic message in threats is “you’re bad, and am going to hit back at you “if you go to your sister’s, don’t expect to meet me here when you return”
6. Vent Your Feelings Rather Than Attact
Describe your feelings, using clarifying words not I’m sad….. “I feel a yearning to be close….” “I’m stunned and embarrassed” Attacking with your feelings can be harsh, loud, threatening, coldly hostile, sarcastic, or needling.
7. Negotiation
One of the best ways people use to deal with their difference is negotiation. People have been negotiating for centuries. Negotiation is a distinct and valuable communication skill and for couples, it’s better applied before not after their relationship hits the rocks.
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