Forget everything you’ve ever heard about being single, beginning with the assumption that it means you’re ready to start dating. The marriage rate has been decreasing for decades, and more people than ever before are living “solo”: nearly 40% of adults in the US, for instance, are unpartnered, up from 29% in 1990, according to the Pew Research Centre. About half aren’t interested in dating or a relationship.
Evidence suggests that people in romantic relationships tend to be happier and have greater life satisfaction than singles, but as with all relationships, it’s complicated. Research has found, for instance, that people in unhappy marriages have equal or worse health outcomes compared with those who were never married.
Another important caveat: the singles who have the hardest time with their relationship status tend to be divorced people. Widowhood is also associated with worse mental health.
Researchers are only beginning to understand how singlehood affects health and happiness, and the solo life comes with surprising perks, says Belka DePaulo, a [happy single] social psychologist. “Once I realised that single was never going to change, it was wonderful, she said.
As the new science of singlehood crystallises, here are some of the most intriguing lessons researchers have uncovered about how to pursue a fulfilling, meaningful, and psychologically rich solo life.
- Identify the upsides.
- Don’t rush to couple up.
- Tend to your friends.
- Embrace a healthy sex life; and
- Ignore any stigma.
1) Identify The Upsides
“Long-term singles tend to have certain values in common, like cherishing freedom, independence, and even creativity and nonconformity more than others,” says Elyakim Kislev, a researcher at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem and author of books including Happy Singlehood.
In related research, hundreds of single men and women rated themselves, saying that being able to focus on their goals and not having anyone else dictate their actions were the top perks of a solo life.
2) Don’t Rush to Couple Up
People who focus on what they don’t have “often “find themselves miserable “. Kisley says. His research indicates that the more someone wants a relationship, the less satisfied they‘ll be with their single life. It’s key to find ways to enjoy your current relationship status. Even if you eventually want to couple up, take stock of the benefits of singleness. Engaging in hobbies and self-care activities can boost self-esteem and overall life satisfaction, he says. Volunteering or pursuing a passion is another way to boost your life while single.
Tend to Your Friends
Those in relationships often turn inward to their partners and families. As a result, “coupled people, especially men, may lose their friends over time and find themselves lonely later in life,” Kisley affirms. Singles, on the other hand , typically have stronger social ties, which is a key to happiness.
Embrace a Healthy Sex Life
People in relationships tend to have more sex than singles, says Geoff MacDonald, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto. But his research finds that the extent to which single people are happy with their sex lives predicts their satisfaction with their relationship status. Those with higher sexual satisfaction tend to report less desire to marry and hold stronger beliefs that the singleton lifestyle can be a happy time.
5) Ignore Any Stigma
Kisley says many people continue to see singlehood as a transitory stage on the way to a romantic relationship and as “a second-best option or a failure to find a partner ” If you’re single but worried about what others think, “live your life fully, joyfully, and unapologetically,” says DePaulo. “People who try to stigmatise you are the ones who should be embarrassed, not you.”
By Angela HAUPT (Time)
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